- Pričaj mi, kako si me rodila?
- Pa… bio si nestašan odmah u početku. Nisi u maminom stomaku proveo ni tri mjeseca i već si naumio da izađeš. Prosto nakrivio kapu. Pravi mali gusar. Morala sam da ležim, primam boce i budem mirna puno puno da bih te rodila, znaš.
- A je li… a je li sam bio snažan?
- Jesi zlato moje… jesi. I bio si sladak. Imao si loknice i zelene oke. Samo, možda nekih dvadeset dana prije porođaja postao si naglo miran. Ništa nisam osjećala. Kao da si zaspao. A to je bilo mnogo čudno, jer navikla sam da tamo unutra trčiš, igraš boks i radiš stoj na rukama i glavi. Najednom si stao, šćućurio se i tako je potrajalo. Došao je doktor i rekao „gospođo, mislim da ne čujem srce bebe, moramo hitno da intervenišemo“. Mnogo se mama bila uplašila.
- I šta si ti onda uradila?!
- Plakala sam. Mazila tibu i molila te da se probudiš… i rekla sam „molim vas nemojte ništa da preduzimate, sačekajte da dođe otac“. I tata je ubrzo došao. Sve sam mu saopštila. Pozvao je doktora Čizmovića i onda je on stavio slušalice na stomak i dugo, dugo slušao… Uspravio se i rekao „mislim da čujem srce kako kuca… jedva, ali kuca“.
- I šta je onda bilo?
- Onda je mama opet plakala… od sreće. Tek se tada nisam nigdje pomjerala. Sve sam ti pričala „budi mi dobar, budi mi dobar… mama te čeka“. I tako, jednog vrućeg jutra s kraja jula uzela sam te u naručje i svega izlјubila.
- Fuj!
- A ti si mami svojoj stavio prstić na nos i kao da si mi rekao „dosta je bilo ženo, moram sad da spavam“.
- Hahaha! A je li bilo oko mene puno drugih beba?
- Eh… bilo je, ali smo mi bili u posebnoj sobi. Sa nama je bila samo jedna teta.
- ONA teta, je li tako mama?
- Da, zlato moje… ona teta.
- Ispričaj mi opet.
- Teta je bila jako tiha. Održavala trudnoću kao i ja. Imala je stomak veći od mog i stalno je gledala u plafon i nešto s vremena na vrijeme mrmlјala… mislim da se molila. Pitala sam je u jednom trenutku kako je, treba li joj nešto… možda kap vode?
- Onda ti je ona reknula kako nije dobro… da je boli srce kad kuca, je li tako?
- Puno je srce bolјelo. Ranjeno, jedva je kucalo. Bilo mi je žao što sam je išta pitala. To joj je bila četvrta trudnoća. Nijedna beba nije preživjela. Umrle bi tokom prvog udisaja. Tada mi je došapnula „gospođo, da mi je da bude živo samo pet minuta… samo pet minuta. Da je vidim kako me gleda. Da mogu da kažem da sam bila majka, pa makar i na pet minuta“.
- Ni ta beba se nije probudila?
- Nije… sine moj, nije. Kad je sve prošlo odveli su je u drugu sobu… Nisam je više vidjela.
- A mama, kuda idu bebe kad zastalno zaspeju?
- Odu sine daleko uvis… gore, gore i još visočije. Tamo će da se oporave i da paze na svoje mame. Čekaju bolјe vrijeme, druge dane, da ih te iste mame ponovo rode i da budu najsrećniji od sreće!
- A kako to znaš?
- Zato što postoji neko posebno cveće… slatko i mirisno, najmirisnije. Nјih sa neba posiju anđeli da izrastu pored puta kuda sve ranjene mame prolaze… da im jave, poput pisma, kako su njihova djeca dobro i da se nijedna od njih ne brine. I da će opet biti zajedno… jer nikad ništa ne nestaje.
- A kako se zove to cvijeće?
- Majčina dušica, dušo mamina.
Ispričala mi je ovo kada sam imao šest godina. Svaki dobot glasa pamtim. I kako bi uz put uvijek zastala da pomiluje rozikaste lati. Nije ih brala… a kad bi ih ja odnekud zgužvane u zamotulјke donio, polјubila bi im stablјike kao da su rukice. Smjestila u rakijsku čašu i iz veza strune pustila da se u vodi raspletu. Imala je nečeg od uspavanke u očima kada bi u njih gledala. Pitao sam je tada „zašto se najlјepše dušice nalaze iza kopriva?“. Rekla je „To je znak da su mame svoje čedo pronašle. Da su rane zarasle“.
Vama, koji se u ovim slovima nešto svoje ćulite, vjerujte mojoj majci… imala je načine da vidi dalјe od utjehe. Sada je i ona tamo, objašnjava djeci kako se raduje, i da čekaju još malo, bar dok se noći ne istroše… tamo su, u svijetu iza koprive.
Tamo, gdje nikad ništa ne prestaje.
Milisav S. Popović
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